I love you, H!P

It was somewhere between August and September of 2009 that I actually stepped into the world of Hello! Project. Sometimes being an H!P fan feels so surreal. It's crazy how much first impressions can change. The coming and going of members that keeps things interesting. The burning happiness they can bring you. I've cried bitterly over graduations, but also laughed and smiled so much. I am truly proud to be a Hello! project fan.

I guess to people non-familiar with the world of Asian Entertainment, we all sound a bit odd and girl crazy- regardless of our gender. I've had to try and explain to my mother that my sexual orientation has nothing to do with why I live, breathe, and hang on every movement of H!P. Why I spend HOURS reading news, learning about members, occasionally ordering photos and watching hundreds of videos. 

It goes beyond that.

I look back at when I was so new to this world. How it delighted and confused me. I never ever thought I would ever be able to learn all the past and present members of Morning Musume. But I have. I started off with an affection for it's current members and didn't think I would ever understand how other fans went on about the early years and the graduated members. But I do.

I love Morning Musume from beginning to present.

Each girl, each song, each performance. Owns a little piece of my heart.

Sometimes I feel silly getting so emotional. Over the last week or two, I've started going through and watching all the Momusu graudation concerts. And I've sobbed like a baby during each one. It's amazing the connection a fan can feel. I'm millions of miles away. I don't know any of the girls personally. But they capture me in so many ways.

People I interact with on a daily basis think I am strange. One of my closest friends and my older sister both ask, "Do you know Japanese? Do you know what they are singing about all the time? How can you connect to music in languages you don't know?"

How do people connect to music with no words?! Orchestras and instrumentals!!

Music is in the soul. If you let something like language be a barrier, then I feel sad for you.

I can't put fully into words the love, the passion, the obsession, the hunger, the emotion. I feel for music. That I feel for Hello Project. For Morning Musume. For S/mileage. For Berryz Koubou. For C-ute. For all of the graduated, inactive, alive-but-not-always-active groups.

In the beginning, I was jealous of Takahashi Ai. Not on a personal level, but because she got so much spotlight over the other members. I am a very strong believer in fair lines, and it frustrated me. So many fans loved her and Reina to pieces, while I was obsessing over Gakisan.

But now?

Ai Believe.

I. Love. Takahashi Ai. She is an amazing person. She grew on me over time. She has a great personality, insane energy, and is so incredibly talented. But in a bittersweet way, my love for her didn't really open my eyes until her graduation announcement. I was stunned. And then I cried.

No more Aichan? What would happen to Momusu?

After the stability I had come to know, the change I had heard and read so much about concerning past generations was coming about. To this day, thinking of Aichan makes me choke up. This past month or so I have spent hours watching Morning Musume TV shows and appearances. Rewatching all of their singles. Just, being a MM fan. It's amazing.

And it's more than Momusu.

I am a huge S/mileage fan!

I sobbed when Sakichan left.

Ah, this is getting long. I will continue my H!P love rambles another time.

I've just been feeling so emotional about it lately. How much I truly love everything about it.